Extreme Ownership
Chapter 4 – Check the Ego
To me, ego is just another word for pride. And pride has no place in leadership. We have to stop caring about who gets the credit. The mission matters more than your ego. The team matters more than your pride.
When a project is completed or a mission is accomplished, the leader gives the credit to the team—every time. You spotlight them publicly. You thank them openly for their hard work and for the role they played in getting the job done.
But when the mission fails—or when problems arise, and they always do—the responsibility shifts. That is when the leader takes the blame. You never blame the team or single out an individual in public. This takes us right back to Chapter 1 and the principle of Extreme Ownership: if you’re the leader, it’s on you.
This is also a good place to come back to what it really means to be humble. True humility isn’t weakness. It requires three things: you must be approachable, teachable, and changeable.
When you take responsibility for failure, you show your team that you are approachable—that you’re willing to admit when things go wrong and when you’re wrong. From there, you become teachable. You learn from mistakes instead of hiding from them. And then comes the most important step: change. You apply what you’ve learned and do better the next time.
That’s the goal. Always striving to be better. A better leader. A better team. A better organization.
And that’s where real impact happens—first in our teams, then in our communities, our families, and ultimately, the world.
In this chapter, six excerpts really stood out to me.
- “Ego clouds and disrupts everything: the planning process, the ability to take good advice, and the ability to accept constructive criticism. It can even stifle someone’s sense of self-preservation. Often, the most difficult ego to deal with is your own.”
- “But when ego clouds our judgment and prevents us from seeing the world as it is, then ego becomes destructive.”
- “When personal agendas become more important than the team and the overarching mission’s success, performance suffers and failure ensues. Many of the disruptive issues that arise within any team can be attributed directly to a problem with ego.”
- “Implementing Extreme Ownership requires checking your ego and operating with a high degree of humility. Admitting mistakes, taking ownership, and developing a plan to overcome challenges are integral to any successful team. Ego can prevent a leader from conducting an honest, realistic assessment of his or her own performance and the performance of the team.”
- ““It’s natural for anyone in a leadership position to blame subordinate leaders and direct reports when something goes wrong. Our egos don’t like to take blame. But it’s on us as leaders to see where we failed to communicate effectively and help our troops clearly understand what their roles and responsibilities are and how their actions impact the bigger strategic picture.”
- “Remember, it’s not about you,” I continued. “It’s not about the drilling superintendent. It’s about the mission and how best to accomplish it. With that attitude exemplified in you and your key leaders, your team will dominate.”
Here are a few questions to help you dive deeper into this chapter:
- Where is my ego currently shaping decisions, conversations, or reactions—and how might that be limiting my team’s effectiveness without me realizing it? (Forces leaders to confront the most dangerous ego: their own.)
- When something goes wrong, do I instinctively look for who failed—or do I first ask how my leadership, communication, or expectations contributed to the outcome? (Directly tests whether ownership or self-protection shows up under pressure.)
- What credit am I still holding onto that should be publicly given to the team—and what blame have I avoided that I should fully own as the leader? (Connects ego, humility, and culture in one question.)
- Have I created an environment where honest feedback and constructive criticism are safe—or has my ego taught the team that disagreement comes with consequences? (Exposes whether ego is silently shutting down improvement.)
- If the team adopted my exact posture toward ego, humility, and accountability, would we be stronger—or would personal agendas begin to undermine the mission? (A mirror test for leadership influence.)
Go – Be the Hero of Your Story